It was an evening no student should miss. Quite literally, since Faculty Show occurs only once every four years. It is a sort of Faculty Olympics that caused Chapin Auditorium to be packed full for both Friday and Saturday night to see the famous tradition that is more than a hundred years old. Kevin McCaffrey, Associate Director of Communications, came out to introduce the show and warn students that they should leave if they are easily offended by “lots and lots of middle age nudity.”
Faculty across all disciplines, from mathematics to gender studies participated in the show. Jens Christiansen, professor of economics, provided a humorous and inspiring speech to the students about their future. “When walking on the highway of life, ask but one question: why don’t I have a car?” he quipped at one point.
One of the most popular characters in the show seemed to be Mary Lyon, as played by Eleanor Townsley, associate professor of sociology and gender studies. Cheers erupted at her response to the question of what the cost of tuition in the college should be. “Tuition shall be no more than sixteen dollars a year,” she deadpanned.
Another skit lampooned the students’ use of Ratemyprofessor.com to rate their college professors on their academic performance and ‘hotness,’ which is signified on the website by chili pepper icons. As professors Jens Christiansen and Dave Allen frolicked onstage with their huge chili peppers and reveled in their hotness, Jim Hartley cried in the corner, evidently ashamed that he had no chili peppers. “You’re a male professor at a women’s college and you don’t have a chili pepper?!?” exclaimed Christiansen and Allen.
Special attention was paid to President Joanne Creighton with the selection of a new college president, or “Lynnee Pasquerini” as Creighton called her during the show. A skit about the presidential search had Dean of faculty Donal O’Shea offered his magical services: “I’ll jiggle my Lucky Charms.” During a mock graduation towards the end of the show, faculty members presented Creighton with a rubber chicken, a red class sweatshirt and an honorary degree scroll.
The show finale was quite popular with students, who stood up from their seats while faculty paraded in to Chris Brown’s “Forever” in the style of the Youtube video hit of an actual wedding procession in Minnesota (if you have not see it just search for “Chris Brown wedding” on Youtube). But students were also quite thrilled to see Professor of English Kate Singer dressed as Lady Gaga while Dave Allen, Jeff Knight, Ron Peterson and Craig Woodard all danced backup.
The show won’t come again until 2014, and with the appointment of president-elect Lynn Pasquerella, faculty will hopefully continue to entertain students for many more shows to come.
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